weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
