I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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