I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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