he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
