She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
