There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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