Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize