They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
