so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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