Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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