dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
