i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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