This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
