I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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