Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
