The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
