Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
