Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
