Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
