My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
