i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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