He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
