I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
