Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
