I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
