HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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