For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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