Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize