She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
