It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
