had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
