i just had sex bonerless
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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