No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
