i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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