I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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