Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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