Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize