Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
