Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
