If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
