Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
