You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
