I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
