Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
The Olympian is in my bed
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
