I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
3 2 1 whiskey
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
