who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
We need a shit load of segways right now
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
