pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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