R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
