Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
