Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Randomize
