and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
