Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
i've created a new STD.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize