I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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