I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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