I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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