he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
