Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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