and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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