Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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