He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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