I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
