its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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