this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
