You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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