Sorry, I don't speak sober.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
