I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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