I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
