My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
