He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
