he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
