It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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