Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
