im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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