Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
