our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
