I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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