Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
