even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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