If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
