'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
