I just saw a hot homeless man
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
