what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
