I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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