You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
