Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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