Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
