Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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