I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
