If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Randomize
