I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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