That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
