So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
