marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
