I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
