I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
